A writing challenge I wrote a couple of weeks ago......

When Bill talked about going home, I guess he wasn't kidding. We all figured he meant back to Iowa where he was born, but no. He started mentioning it about a week back at the diner. He told people goodbye and gave some of his stuff away. We were worried at first but then he assured us he wasn't dying, just going home.


Last night was the last time any of us saw him. He was at the bar shooting pool for a bit, had his usual 2 beers and then said so long. I saw he headed up towards the wayside and I thought about following him since it was not in the direction of Iowa but I thought he was having one last drive for old times sake.

I did however see the multicolor light show in the same direction. I still don't fully understand what that was about. But I reckon Bill does.

Growing Up

This is where I grew up. It's my Grandparents house in Iowa. I actually lived a quarter mile down the road on another farm but I would always walk up the road the here.  I loved it there and I try to visit as much as I can. I think that maybe why this house is always in my dreams.                                This house holds so many memories of Christmases of long ago, of farming and raising chickens, of many farm pets and the list and memories go on. The best memory i have is of my Grandfather reading. That is all he ever did. He would carry two or three books around with him everywhere he went. He read at the table and in his chair and in bed. My dad is the same way. I try to do that but as a mother it is a little bit harder for me. My grandmother was a wonderful cook and she would bake all the time. We would mix up a batch of cookies or bars in an afternoon. My grandfather has passed on now nearly two years but my grandmother still lives there. As I said before I get down there when I can in the winter but in the summer I have the privilage of mowing the yard for her. Some people think it's a waste of gas to drive down there every week but I don't. What is the price of gas compared to visiting a person you love. She is turning 90 this month and I am thankful for all the years she has been in my life. She has taught me what love and commitment really are in a marriage. I yearn for the good old days of running through the fields without a care in the world but I still have the memories to look back on and smile.

I think I'm alright

I wrote yesterday about me...which is completely self-absorbed but I did get to think about where I was a few years as compared to where I am at today.

First let me start off by saying I am weird and at any given time weird stuff will come out in normal conversation just for the fun of it or to lighten the mood or cause I am bored. Several years ago, that was frowned upon by many good Baptists women. If you want to follow God then you need to be pious, serious, and normal. Look at all the examples in the Bible, do you see laughter there? Do you see humor? Unfortunatly, I tried to live up to their expectations, not God's. That really made me depressed and think that God must hate me. I felt I was never good enough and would continually slip and fall.

Now......let me follow up by saying that I am in no way a good Baptist wife. In fact, I am not even a good Baptist. But that's ok. I am standing on the solid rock so I know who I am and that it is alright to be me, to have this weirdness about me. I have also learned that God indeed has a sense of humor and a darn good one. I myself love the irony in the book of Esther involving Mordechai and Haman. I also recently read the 4 Gospels Matthew, Mark, Luke, and John and I found myself laughing at some of the things Jesus to them or others.

It's hard to get to know Christ through the written word but when you experience the relationship with him...it gets pretty easy to make him a bit more human. I am quite sure he laughed more than once. I am also quite sure I make him laugh more than once. Which is good. I love to make people laugh and if I can succeed at doing that then I figure it is gonna be alright. I'm learning to use my powers for good.

One thing I have noticed is that my kids are just as weird...bless their little souls. They make me laugh and I want laughter to fill the house. It does the soul good, wouldn't you say?

Me

I have been doing a bit of psychoanalysis on myself lately, which is a good thing but also a bad thing. It's good cause I can always diagnose myself normal but it's bad if I turn out to indeed be crazy then I can't prescribe medication.

I have another website that I can blog at and post videos and such but I am finding out that I do not really post most about me. I write stories and do little literary challenges which is cool and I tend to surprise myself with what comes out but if I don't have  astory to write then I just post a poem or some other thing that really isn't by me or about me. Why is that?

What the heck am I so afraid of? really...........I apparently talk a big game about not caring what people think but that's all it is...a big game. I do want people to like me but I just seem to think I am not that interesting or funny or anything like that. I read other people's blogs and they are interesting people...me not so much.

But why should I care? Honestly? No, really, I am asking.......

Time still continues to pass

Wow, it has been since September of '09 since I wrote last. Things have been moving forward as things tend to do. I must admit my feelings and so forth either move backwards or stay the same. That is not good.

Brian is in jail and will remain there until who knows when. I have an interview with a parole officer regarding his sentencing. I honestly don't know what to say. I don't know what will be asked first off but I am betting "what do you think Brian should get?" will be a question.

I think Brian should get smacked in the head with a tire iron a couple of times is my first reaction. Obviously, I can't say that. I have come away with being a realist through this whole ordeal.

Reality check: God is in control. God is working in many people's lives through this situation. Some to bring to repentance, some to test their strength and character, and some that are just innocent bystanders. I would like to believe I am in catagory number 2. I must admit I am falling short. But it also gives me many opportunities to think about number 1..GOD IS IN CONTROL.

I don't know if Brian has had time to actually think about what he has done and if he feels the least bit sorry for what he has done aside from feeling sorry he was caught. But God does. God loves him regardless and God is willing to forgive him if he is sincere in his heart about wanting forgiveness. I am called to love him..with God's love not my own and forgive him...with God's forgiveness, not my own. So with God's help, I am trying.

But then that just opens the door to another twist in this tale........

Soft As A Rose

The day was dreadfully dreary but I was determined to enjoy myself in the park. I flollowed the winding path to this little wooden area which held a small little fountain along with a wire table and chair. I let out a big sigh as I plopped down in the chair. I was tired. I had high hopes of clearing out this cluttered mind of mine but so far it wasn't working.

I had closed my eyes to focus better on the clearing process when I heard a little giggle. I peered around but saw no one. Shrugging, I close my eyes once again. That is when I felt it brush my cheek. A kiss soft as a rose followed by more little giggles.

I let out a small gasp of surprise as my hand reaches the place where I felt the kiss. To further my surprise there was a rose petal there.

I get up and look around for someone, anyone but the area was empty. I turn to look at the fountain and there on top was a statue of a darling angel blowing kisses and in his hands was a rose.