Sacrifices

That is what I was reminded of this past week.......sacrifice. No, I don't mean the virgin to the gods type of thing..the giving up of something for another. I am sure you have made one or two in your life. I know I have had my share of sacrifices and because of that I took a selfish turn and decided I was tired of it.

So, I volunteered at a local community theater to hand out programs and such. That was it...I got to see the show for free and I helped with the concessions and so forth. Here comes the problem...my husband was less than thrilled. You see, there is some history associated with said theater that is not rosy and bright. It really has nothing to do with the theater itself but with a certain individual who used to be quite involved there. Now.....that was 12 years ago. I know what you are thinking, "Dude, get over it" right? It's ok...I have thought the same thing myself. I have to say he is most like the woman who may forgive but will not forget.

Anyway....so he really didn't speak to me for a couple days. I was all wrapped up in my "get over it" attitude that I was getting more angry at him. I had done nothing wrong, the dude is never there anymore and I happen to LIKE the theater. Yes, I can see you are on my side....but wait.

The following saturday I attended a ladies meeting at an area church. It wasn't the usual "love your husbands, try not to kill your kids" It dealt with having a heart for the things of God. It was during those sessions that God showed me my selfish heart. I did try to point out the whole "just once why can't he sacrifice something for me" but God wasn't really worried about his heart at the moment. It was mine.

What it was was that even though I knew my husband had issues with this particular theater, I went ahead and did what I wanted to anyway. Thus not showing respect for him....or love. You see, that is what sacrifice is. That is what love is.....the SACRIFICIAL giving of ones self to the benefit of another with no thought of return. It's alot harder than it sounds. But in the end, it is sooooo worth it.

Things Fade....

They do....they fade. The green in the trees are fading due to fall. Clothing fades due to washings. Why am I talking about fading because I remember something my Grandmother said awhile ago. It took me by surprise.
My Grandpa has been deceased for 2 years now. I miss him alot. Since his passing Granny's mind isn't as sharp as it used to be. She forgets things and is constantly asking the same questions over and over again. Well, because of this she needs someone to stay with her. My cousin Pat does but when he wants to visit friends out of town, he calls me. One time while I was down there we were looking through old pictures. We came across her and Grampy's wedding picture. We both looked at it for some time and then out of the blue she tells me that he is beginning to fade from her memory. It is only after she looks at his picture that she remembers.
I don't know why that came as such a shock to me. Maybe because they had been married for 60+ years. Maybe it was because in my mind they will always be Grampy and Granny. I can't help but think of Grampy when I am down there or when you even mention Granny's name to me.
But thinking about things now, I can see it. I have had a few close friends of mine pass away unexpectedly and they too have faded. I don't think it even has to be attributed to death either. Friends that I have known in high school and so forth are grey in my mind.
I guess that is to be expected. But sometimes even when I look at the pictures of past friends and acquiantences it seems foreign to me.
Is that foriegn feeling attributed to what is in your heart? How you feel about the person? I just find it very strange.

On My Way

There is the trail. It looks lush and green so far but soon enough it will all change as the weather gets cooler and the colors get darker. This picture is just a metaphor of the journey I am going on. I had mentioned in my last post that I am failing at all the plans I had made and seemed stuck in a rut. Thankfully, I have another day to get it right.

Today I did indeed get up early and I exercised. Which was great cause I "went for the green" as they say at Curves. I excelled on all the equipment. I have also been careful about what I have been eating also. For some reason the past three days I have been hungry constantly. I am drinking more water in hopes to fill up my stomach.

I have finished with school for my son and I still need to help my daughter with her work when she gets home from work. We have a science lab to do on topographical maps. Should be quite the learning experience.

I have been studying the book of Jeremiah and I see so many parallels concerning the times. The rulers were wicked and no one seemed to care about God which is a major thing going on here. I just don't see a Jeremiah. Maybe that should be me? I don't think I have been called to do that. I do find the book of Jeremiah quite interesting though.

Not bad for a monday, eh?

This Rut

That's right, I am in a rut. I think to some degree I have settled into this rut like a wooden wheel would fall into a rut in the long dusty road it is traveling. I have tried...well barely..to get out. I am somewhat comfortable to a degree.

It makes think back to what I wrote about yesterday concerning Paul and his zeal to follow Christ. As I said before, I don't have that zeal and I can't manufacture it on my own so henceforth the rut.

I have determined in my mind that I would like to get up early, do my daily devotions, exercise for 30 minutes and then start my day of schooling my children. But so far I have gotten up later, skipped devotions AND my workout and went straight to the teaching part.

So sitting in this rut all I can do is ponder on why I am in here and cry out to God to get me out. I need to determine in my HEART to do what I need to get my day started out right. Just as Daniel determined in his heart not to defile himself.

I will let you know how that goes.

Thoughts

Pretty original huh? "Thoughts" Well, everyone has them, including me. I guess it just depends on what those thoughts are. I don't know what other people think about but I am sure they fall into the same different catagories such as Happy, dark, depressing, romantic, X-rated, etc., etc.

My thoughts are currently on a Spiritual nature. I was in church last night listening to a man talk about "Laboring for Christ" as is mentioned in 1 Corinthians. It is a verse meant to encourage followers to continue on following Christ even when the going gets tough. The verse is written by Paul, the zealot witness who really shaped Christianity back in the day.

I have read the book of Acts and various letters written by Paul to the different churches and I sometimes long to be like him. I myself am more like Peter...a braggert who is inconsistant in his walk with God. Not that he didn't get straightened out after awhile, but he sure had some grandious moments while he was Christ.

What gets me is the zeal of Paul. In the beginning,  He was so adament in the persecution of the Christians. He followed them everywhere, vowing to destroy them and the churches. Then the encounter with Jesus changed all that. He was struck blind for three days and shown all the things he was to go through and it was still full steam ahead. The same zeal he had against the Christians was used FOR them instead.

I don't have that zeal. Is my upbringing? Maybe the time I am living in? I just know that I myself need to look at the fact that God, the same God who created all the universe, became a man to live among us, to know and feel everything we feel. Yes, I know...when you read about things in the Bible there isn't much extra narrative to add emotion. Yes, it is in there..find all the verses that mention Jesus sighs...there are quite a few. But laughing, telling jokes? I think they did laugh. They were human as well as Jesus. He sighed in frustration, he sighed in sadness, he sighed in weariness.

I believe the conclusion to my thoughts..which I am finding are quite random, is the zeal I lack is something that had to be there before hand. I can't replicate it in myself no matter how hard I try. But then I believe that is where that verse from Philippians which says "I can do anything through Christ" (Lynn version)